My baptism to kayaking!

Note: This blog has no reference to anyone dead or alive. Any resemblance is pure coincidence and may be considered an act of God!

I jumped up from sleep one day, when I overheard my Dad dropping the ball to my Mom; "Shall I take Kidu for the next expedition"..........I closed my eyes as tight as I could; clasped both my fists and stiffed my body, cocking my ear so as not to hear anything negative....surprisingly I did not hear anything....there was silence. Am a long way to get married, yet can tell from my observation that silence in married conversation mean anything. Having noticed my chirpy Mom, silent for a long time....I knew it was a "YES"! Oh boy, I felt exhilarated for the stories Dad told about his previous expedition....I searched for my I-phone to update my status "Signed up for Kayaking expedition 2015" and waited for likes/replies on Facebook and WhatsApp. Frankly, I did not know what a Kayak meant, until Dad bought one. He yapped of stories, I not sure how much to believe him. Being part of an Expedition is the "in" thing in my group and who cares what it actually meant. I dreamed of being the modern day Columbus, travelling on an expedition to distant lands...thought of the movie Bounty and the rebellion!

There were lot of calls in between, and checklist ot update, I did not find the calls interesting, they were actually getting in way of the good times with gals that I had. The only thing I loved was the shopping of adventure gear at Decathalon...it was not long before the trial runs came round the corner. We stayed at Dad's friends home and went one evening in 4 wheels to a river bank. There I got my first lessons in paddling. The damn thing is so f***ing unstable and tends to tip over....anyway I got all the basics quickly and took the kayak for a spin!.  These guys make it look difficult...actually its not......kayaking looked fun. What was irritating is my Dad giving me gyan on how to paddle. He himself had seen a kayak only last year and had paddled it for 10 days at the most; here he was yapping off as though he had a PhD in kayaking! The day ended with all basic stuff and it was getting dark as we headed back. The next day we were woken up early and in the dim of the light we left for the river. I have never seen 5:30AM in my life and really felt pissed off waking up so early. I had no clue on what I was up to, looked like my first date at school; the chick was so beautiful and desiring until she came on my side!

We started from the canal at around 6AM and slowly paddled on, the kayak would go all over the place and I was at the tail end of the group. My Dad has a nut friend, not very different from him...always instructing and he kept calling out instructions along with my name, advertising to the whole world(old ladies on the river bank, kids going to school and fishermen) that I was last and struggling. Push ...push....The previous day was looking good and then now I was struggling, wished half a dozen eggs came my way that would magically rectify all the issues I was encountering. My Dad's friend finally promised me a double omelette and with those comments things starting falling in place; I started pushing and moving up the kayakers...in my life eggs mean a lot!

With great effort I could see Kavalam and the omelette started appearing like a mirage...for it was breakfast time. When we finally arrived at a local shack, I had no words....there were no eggs on the menu! For me eggs are the only form of food that is wholesome and every day (like snakes) I gobble half a dozen of them. Making sure to avoid the yolk; my girlfriend hated Chinese folks for their yellow skin and somehow I  related yolk to getting a paler skin. I wish you guys know, how damn irritating the new girls are, but you know, I have the knack of handling them even though they are high maintenance.

Anyway, the breakfast was not up to mark and I had another discomfort to share - there were no loos either! Where do you pee?; In my city there are so many nooks and crannies! As we left Kavalam and paddled on, the canals gave way to back waters that looked never ending. Dad's friend was the only guy who had paddled these waters, would repeat periodically "Next corner is Kumarakom". Every time I asked him, how far? he would point to the next "Corner". Man I lost my cool, for the sun was baking hot; couldn’t do much. Reaching every corner I would hear "next corner"; wish I had called him "corner uncle"! It got damn frustrating (more than when my first GF dumped me), for the physcial and mental toll it took over me. The damn uncle would not tell how much more we had to paddle or how far the place was; I felt he was bluffing about his kayaking experience! I started cursing my Dad, he had put me in a kayak the day before, got me to do the basic and now, I was doing, god knows, how many kilometres? I am a number guy, I get only convinced by facts and figures; When will this agony end...I asked. Cursed myself for signing up! Ideally you would start with few kilometres and then expand it, here I was doing more than 20 for sure and the destination was no were to be believed, as my Dad's friend predicted. 

Around 1:30PM we turned into a huge backwater that they called Vembanadu Lake, man it was big and I feared for the "next corner"! I could see Abad Plaza Hotel and the kayakers heading for it that gave me hope. We pulled ashore for lunch and the damn guys were so slow in getting the stuff. To my liking, egg omelette and burjee were on menu and I ordered few of them...all for me. After the lunch I found my bearing! The eggs were doing their magic and I felt charged up. We launched again at 2:30PM heading to Kumarakom and this time the corner had changed to "Church". Post lunch the swells were growing big as I struggled to paddle and when we reached the "Church", the familiar voice came again...you guessed it right..."next Church"..I wanted or murder him, for the sloppy planning and not being truthful. I wish I could stop it right there....finally we arrived at the next church and took a sharp right turn entering the Kumarakom jetty...going past the jetty, we reach another uncle’s (my favourite uncle) home. 

The first long trip had ended, my pain has come to an end and my best buddy confirmed the statistics of my agony; paddled 5.5 hours and covered 26.4Km. I felt pity on myself, my ass was aching, and so were my arms and fingers. I wanted to have half a dozen eggs to regain all the proteins my muscles burned. I was glad that my dad was not around to say "push" for this trip, instead of pushing the paddle I was dreaming of pushing half a dozen boiled eggs(without yellow, told you about the gals) for dinner!